she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
