You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
