i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
