he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need moral support for this bender
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
