dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
