At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
