Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
