I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
