you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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