hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
