You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
