Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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