There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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