he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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