this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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