Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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