why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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