I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
