My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
