Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
