She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
