Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
