As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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