Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
