Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
