I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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