My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
