C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
