listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i think my cat just said my name.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
