YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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