she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
