the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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