Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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