ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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