shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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