I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
