walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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