when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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