big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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