Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
