He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
