Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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