you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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