i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
