Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My ass is underappreciated
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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