So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
