at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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