that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
