Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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