She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
